Hi Reader,

Last week and over the weekend, I resisted writing you a mother’s day email. I even carved out time for it, but I couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to write a positive, hopeful email and then end up spending the day overwhelmed by expectations and feeling taken for granted. I didn’t want to tell you I was going to be so chill and happy, and then end up crying in the bathroom. It is my luteal phase, after all.

But I’m proud to inform you that didn’t happen (cuz it’s happened plenty of times before). I did get a little snippy at the end of the day over my youngest’s incessant questions but I was actually happy ALL DAY. I woke up happy and moved through the day with ease and joy.

I wasn’t even faking it.

I’ve worked hard to get to this point, to actually BE happy (sometimes) and not be faking it to please others. I didn’t even realize that’s what I was doing for so long, to be honest. Maybe it’s the (now obvious) autism, but I simply acted as I thought I was supposed to, rather than how I actually felt. Now I’m learning to feel my real feelings and let them have space.

So this year, as we approached Mother’s Day, I knew I needed to feel taken care of, a fairly elusive feeling when you’re a single parent. I knew if I spent the day entertaining Mother’s Day “festivities”, I would be seething inside because I wouldn’t be feeling SEEN in the overwhelm that is motherhood. Specifically, I needed help with the backyard and getting it ready for summer because the idea of doing all that on my own was hella overwhelming.

So I asked for what I needed: Help in the backyard.

THIS IS THE SECRET TO LIFE.

I’m not joking. Ask for what you need.

Figure out what you need, and then ask for it.

It doesn’t make you weak.

It doesn’t make you ungrateful.

It doesn’t make you demanding.

Needs are human. To need is to be alive.

Time and again, our reactions, miscommunications and pain experienced in relationships are due to needs not being communicated and/or met. This is why we get resentful/frustrated/depleted/angry/shutdown/overwhelmed…. All the yucky things.

We can transform how we feel if we are brave, identify our needs and ASK for them to be met when we can’t (or shouldn’t) meet them ourselves.

That’s why the journaling prompts

I am…

I want…

I need…

are so powerful. If you haven't done those yet, give them a try with a minute or so per prompt. I like to do them in list format, like

I am a tired mom

I am a writer

I am kind

Do a minute with each prompt and see where it takes you. Someone people really enjoy repeating the I am prompt again at the end, so you can try that too.

Autistic or not, many of us have been raised to conform to the desires of others, to put our authentic needs last. You may find you do that too, Reader, and maybe that's part of what's been wearing you down. Maybe it's time your needs got met.

​

Take care of you,

Parrish

​
​

​

​

​