Happy Sunday Reader,

This is a long one... I've got lots of stuff to say today!

Let's start here: I feel like I’ve spent my whole life trying to figure out who I am and what I’m supposed to do… perhaps this is the curse of the neurodivergent: we spend so much of our time trying to be what other people want us to be that we have no idea who we really are.

My therapist describes it as being born with one foot still in the spirit world, while the other is here on Earth with some serious WTF energy.

It’s a confusing sense of self, no matter how you explain it.

In the last few years, both of my sons have been diagnosed Autistic. With those diagnoses in place, I am more confident in my own Autistic-ness and am recognizing more and more that the challenges I face in life can be explained this way.

It’s not a new idea to me, to be honest. Even as a teen, I was aware of sensory needs, repetitive behaviours and a need for things to be “just so”. I could tell I was different from others, really different, and sometimes even used the term “Autistic” in reference to myself but who wants to be the weirdo in high school, right? So I drank. A lot. Regularly. It was much easier to behave as others expected with a few drinks in me. For a long time, it was the only way I could spend time with people, the only way to meet their expectations of me - gregarious, friendly, funny, easy going.

We can all take note now, while I am often gregarious, friendly and funny, I am NOT easy going. Ha! Not at all. And trying to be made me anxious and depressed.

In the mental health field, we’re coming to understand that many Autistic folks experience depression and anxiety not due to being Autistic, but because they have to work so hard to mask their Autism. Imagine spending your lifetime trying to hide your true self… might make you feel a little crazy, no?

So after decades trying to alleviate my struggles through the lens of mood disorders, following my ADHD diagnosis in 2021 I shifted to the neurodivergent lens. What I love about this lens is that it offers the perspective that the external world around you may be the issue, rather than your own internal world.

>>>The excess noise is an issue, not the fact that it makes you irritable. Limit the sound (change locations, wear ear plugs), and now you feel fine.

>>>The heat is the problem, not the fact that you have heat intolerance. Cool down, use the AC, don’t go out in the afternoon (this is one of my key strategies).

>>>The busy social calendar is the problem, not the fact that you have a low social battery. Space out your engagements, schedule downtime, do more of what feels good and say no to the rest.

We don’t HAVE to act like neurotypical people who are ok with all the intensity our modern world throws at us. It’s this belief that we’re supposed to be ok with the overwhelm that’s making us sick. Instead, let’s (finally) get to know ourselves and live in the way that’s right for us.

This year, I have an incredibly privileged opportunity to do that. I recently sold a rental property I had been fortunate to own the last few years, and I have decided to take a significant portion of the profit to WRITE FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR!!!

I can hardly believe it! I made this decision months ago and I am still in disbelief. Is this really happening?? Did I really create this opportunity for myself??

Yes, I did! And I’d even argue that my neurodivergent focus on sensory influences and energy in spaces is at the root of my real estate success. Every house purchase I’ve made has been based on how I FEEL in the home. Honestly, there are so many ways neurodivergence benefits us when we sink into it.

So I’m choosing a quieter, slower, more creative way of life this year with hopes that I will find ways to continue after the year is over (like, maybe, getting a book deal... fingers crossed!!)

I know this is a privilege. I know most people do not have this opportunity. I grew up with extremely limited financial resources and honestly, I’m having to do a lot of mindset work to accept this choice of mine. At times, I feel filled with shame. Other times, with intense self-doubt I'll do anything other than watch Grey's Anatomy start to finish AGAIN. Part of my brain wants me to choose practicality and safety, but she’s getting quieter and quieter. I think she knows too, that this is the healthiest way for me to move forward.

Also part of this decision is my masters research focused on treating trauma through autobiographical writing, and I want to test that out on myself. I believe it is completely true. I believe if I write deeply, authentically and take the time to work it out, I will clear trauma and this too will bring relief and ease.

Because how can we not feel better if we are honest about our emotions, experiences and needs? Twenty+ years in the mental health field and a lifetime living it all, I believe more than ever that the answer is to be completely true to ourselves.

And again, degrees of privilege alter how much this is possible but even the choice to wear earbuds at work all day can lead to a significant decrease in our anxiety if sound is an issue. Choosing clothes that are comfortable can make the difference between a general sense of irritation and feeling relaxed. The little things matter with neurodivergence and I bet there are one or two things you could do today to honour your unique needs a little more. (And yes, I do think that if you’re hanging around my online space, you may be a little divergent.)

OK, this has become quite long. Thank you if you’re still reading. I’ve been trying to write the “I’m autistic” and “I’m writing for the rest of the year” emails for a while now… I didn’t realize they were supposed to be the same email until I started writing this morning. Another bit of evidence not to force things and let them happen when they feel right.

But this isn’t just about me. As part of my commitment to this decision, I’m making Write With Me FREE for the rest of the year. If you want to write, let’s do it together! There are 2-3 sessions each week and it’s just a quiet Zoom room with writers taking advantage of the magic of body doubling to get their words on the page. (Another neurodivergent hack!)

So, if you want to Write With Me this year, click here and you'll officially be on the member list with access to the Google Calendar where you'll find all the session dates and times (Wed-Thurs-Fri 9:30-11am ET for the summer). If you have friends you think would like to write too, send them to this page for info and to sign up for their free membership.

If you're an existing client (regular or occasional), you can still book with me although you will see my 1:1 sessions are now limited to Wednesdays.

If you’re more keen on my guided writing workshops than just open writing time, I will offer a series of workshops in the fall so stay tuned for those. Those are big heart fillers for me which is why I’m keeping them in the mix.

Ok, this is very much long enough now. I'm so glad I finally shared all this with you, Reader and I hope it may inspire you to make a little shift in your life that honours who you truly are. <3

And I hope I get to write with you this year!

'Til next time,

Parrish

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